Wednesday, April 30, 2014

You Can't Choose The Best Zombie Movies If You Don't Know The Rules

By Mickey Jhonny


The first step in deciding what are the best zombie movies requires the rather delicate matter of determining what in fact are zombies. The common short hand of calling them the reanimated or walking or living dead isn't quite sufficient. After all, vampires would thereby qualify, too. And them vampires, they ain't no zombies, no way, no how. To determine what qualifies as a zombie, we will need some rules to set the parameters.

Of course it's something of a cliche to observe that rules are made to be broken. That may be so and without question even the rules of zombie movie conventions have not been rigorously observed. Despite this fast and loose playing with the rules, some enduring conventions can be identified. Exercising a little flexibility in discussing them should keep us out of too much conceptual hot water, while allowing us to set some parameters.

In looking at these zombie movie conventions it is useful to distinguish between the pre and the post Romero zombies. We can conclude by identifying, too, some of the standard narrative rules of zombie movies.

The Pre Romero Zombies

1. The pre-Romero zombies were usually much influenced by the voodoo mythology of Haiti's folk religion. A distinctive feature of this tradition was the notion that some master of the zombies raised them from the dead and as a consequence exercised control over their worldly actions.

2. Already in this early period it was common that zombie ambulation was characterized by slow, unbalanced motion.

3. Even the pre-Romero movies had already developed the narrative trope of setting the zombie uprising (if you'll excuse the pun) in some kind of an apocalyptic scenario. Nihilism was the aesthetic of the day. Or night.

4. Connected to the above, zombiism was often depicted as a form of plague.

Romero/post-Romero Zombies

5. Among Romero's enduring changes was that the zombies ceased to be in the control of some master-mind. Instead, now, zombies more closely resembled an act of god or natural disaster. It has become common currency that in fact the rise of zombies constituted some kind of retribution by nature against some alleged ecological evil of human action.

6. They were now driven by an insatiable hunger to eat the living, which had (and apparently required) no further explanation.

7. Romero's zombie attacks took on a different cinematic flavor, depicted in gruesome and graphic detail. There was now a premium on the re-creation of lifelike blood and gore.

8. Possibly the biggest and most widely homage-inspired contribution of Romero was the mythology that zombies could be killed only by a brain destroying blow to the head.

9 It was mentioned above that the plague aspect of zombiism predates Romero, but he gave it another of its distinctive features with the idea that the plague was spread through zombie bites.

Stock ingredients for a zombie movie

10. Pretty much every zombie movie, it seems, has to have the loser character that, whether out of stupidity, selfishness, cowardice or general inhumanity screws everything up for everyone else. Their anti-group disposition causes a break in the fortifications holding the zombies out of the safe space. So the last shred of human society, the straggling survivors, is smote by the social outcast. (There is very much a kind of communitarian conservatism to most of these movies.)

11. Straggling survivors, who just gotta stick together to survive. Frequently, they are composed of a solid PC diversity across ethnic, gender and age lines. All this seems intent upon representing a microcosm of human hope and futility, dignity and venality.

12. The "what's happening" factor. Always in the beginning, no one seems to be able to figure it out. Despite the rather large number of zombie movies, it always appears as though zombie movies take place in a world where no one has even seen one. And certainly no public official ever has. They just can't figure it out!

13. Zombie movies are not really about zombies. They in fact are about the deterioration of society and human frailty and vanity.

14. A reliable staple is the sad sap, unable to let go emotionally of some past intimate relation with one of the zombies. They can't quite come to terms with the reality that their former loved one is now a cannibalistic ambulating corpse. You'd think that might be more obvious.

15. And we need the hero, or as close to one as we get. This will be the peace maker and noble leader by example, sacrificing everything to pull straggling survivors together. It is their only hope, after all. Yet, invariably such efforts are thanked by a reliably obnoxious jerk accusingly commenting "who made you the boss?"

16. And, last, but far from least, we need some hotties -- from both sides of the gender divide. Call it "love interests" if you'd like. Personally, I suspect these are secretly the main attraction of major zombie movie geeks, who can finally credibly think, "Those babes will have to have sex with me, now! How else will the human race be repopulated?" The problem of course is, as mentioned above, the hotties are usually represented by both genders. So, in fact, poor geek, there's still some alpha type getting in the way of your apocalyptic fantasy. But, at least it gives them hope. What's the real point of a zombie apocalypse if you can't have a little hope of making it with a hottie?

So, there you have it: the rules for identifying zombies and their movies. Next time, then, the question is posed, what are the best zombie movies , you'll be ready to rock and roll.




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